Things I Noticed on My Walk This Evening

Ouch, my calves hurt!

Lilacs are blooming, and I can smell them from down the street.

Hmm, someone is grilling burgers.

Someone else is grilling meat and it smells better than the other guy's.

When I'm listening to Here Come the Mummies, it turns my evening walk into an evening strut.

Gosh durn those are some huge ass lilac bushes!

I'm sorry, what? Oh, no, I'm not whoever you thought I was. Sorry.

I think I just broke up a neighborhood cat council meeting.

Man, I can't wait til they turn these fountains on!

Ah, I love being able to see downtown Indy from my neighborhood.

I'm going to pretend I picked the more uphill/downhill side of my neighborhood to walk on purpose.

Check it out! The smokers are still out on the steps!

I'm glad I did something healthy for my body today.

Whoops! I did something new!

I know you're out there, stalkers! So here, read more of my words.

rachelsreadingroundup.blogspot.com

It's words about books. Books that I have read. And maybe it will inspire you to read those books too.

Really? Really?

So, I'm going to preface this with the statement that I think I'm probably PMSing. I mean, that would help explain the moodiness and cravings for Chinese food. Also, I ate something and now I feel better. So that could be part of it.

Anyway, I never thought that trying to cancel my AT&T Uverse internet would be this big of a pain in the butt. Now I know it is.

First of all, I tried to go into an AT&T store to cancel my service and return my box. They very kindly told me that I had to call a certain number to take care of it. So I tried calling it today and first of all, I know calling customer service at 2 pm on a Saturday afternoon is bound to be one of the peak times, but a 20 minute wait seemed a little long. Then my brother came and I had to go let him in.

Of course as soon as I get to the front door is when the service rep picks up. I have to rush back to the apartment to get the info, and it takes a little bit, but I get there. Then when I go to find the acct number on the page, it tells me that the website is upgrading and I can't see it. So I then I'm supposed to give this guy a PIN that I made up a year ago and haven't used since. Or answer some questions that I gave my best answers to and those weren't correct. My childhood hero? Of course it's Annie Oakley, it has to be. Who the fuck else would I pick?

I try a couple of PINs and another answer to the question (Snow White) but nothing works. I will admit at this point I get a little testy. I kind of spew for a few seconds about how I don't like being put through all this rigamarole just to cancel my internet service. I don't yell, I don't curse, I just say what I feel about it. But I know you can hear the stress behind my voice. The Customer Service Rep explains to me how the SEC has to have all of this stuff, and I can hear the frustration in his voice. He is on the Saturday Afternoon Shit Shift on AT&T Customer Service Team, so I can't blame him entirely, but still.

So instead they try the whole calling me on the number I'm talking on thing, but I don't really understand how call waiting works, and he has to call me a second time. I answer the other line and he gets a snotty sort of attitude with me, which I don't appreciate. Then he hangs up and I have to switch back to the other line, which is on hold.

Since I've NEVER put someone on hold on my phone, I have no fucking clue how to unhold someone. I try pushing this button and that, poking here and there and NOTHING I try works. NOTHING. I'm crying by this point and my brother is here, so I ask him for help, and he gets it, but by the time I get back on the line, the Customer Service Rep has HUNG UP. ON ME.

I was so mad. Like, break something mad. But I paced around a little bit, crying more, put my phone down on the couch, and decided I wasn't going to call back today. So, I figure it's PMS and probably not having had anything to eat since my 11 brunch with Besser.

So I ate something and have since calmed down, but I'm still not calling back today.

What is this feeling?

Today I was in Kohl's trying on khaki pants and as I was looking in the mirror I had a thought that I hadn't had before. It was this thought.

"I am really unhappy with the way my body looks right now. I want to change it. I think I need to lose weight."

I mean, for awhile now I've been on this "I should get healthier" thing, but like, I've really never felt like I was too heavy. Or too jiggly. I'm a jiggly person, and I have been for awhile. I think it's okay for women to jiggle. It's sexy to have a little bit of softness. Something to bounce, you know? But today when I was looking in the mirror in Kohl's, I was like, "Hmmm. That's unattractive."

So I went to Meijer and bought lots of veggies and fruit and a disgusting salmon thing that was gross. I did the whole cucumber peel and cut up thing. I've already packed my lunch for tomorrow. Then I went and worked out for an hour. So, I'm unhappy, but I feel good about the fact that I can make good choices. Better choices. I can do it.

Here it goes.

Things and things.

So, you know you have a lot going on in your life when you leave your grandmother's death bed on your birthday to go pick up your new car.

Have you ever felt like, wow, this is probably as bad as it's going to get for awhile and then something else gets piled on top of it? Yeah. My September was like that. First I ended a beautiful but ultimately not-right-for-me relationship the first week of September. It's something that I had been ignoring for awhile because I was so happy when I was with him. He's one of the best matches for my crazy, wonderful self that I've ever come across. So, it's painful to willingly leave something that feels so good and so right because I don't want my heart broken more later. Cutting my losses. Doesn't make it hurt less.

Then, the next week I finally got the time to take my car to the mechanic's. I knew it was not okay, but what I didn't know is that my engine cradle had rusted through completely and my steering column dropped onto whatever is underneath the steering column. So, undrivable. And I knew that if I wanted a car, I would need help. Which I feel guilty about. So, there are money issues as well. And the stress of that just added to the pain of breaking my own heart. I didn't know how I was going to be able to fund a new car and all that shiz. So I was freaking out about that.

And then. I go to pick up my brother on Saturday night to go car shopping and as he's getting in the car he informs me that we aren't going to Tom Woods Ford, we're going back to Lutheran Hospital because grandma is in and it's the end. We drive up and pretty much everybody was there. My parents, all of my aunts and uncles, a couple of my cousins, my pastor, and my grandpa. Grandma is so unsettled and seems in pain. We cycle through quiet watchfulness and familial chatter. Finally, after a couple of hours, it's clear that whatever medicine she's on isn't helping calm her down. Grandpa has decided to bring grandma home to Timbercrest to go into hospice care. So when it's clear that she's coming home, the family leaves. I decide to go home for the evening and drive back to work in the morning. So, Tuesday night I finally get to drive home. Luckily I had already taken Wednesday off because it's my birthday. I haven't gotten the "Grandma's dead" call so she's hanging on.

By Wednesday we've gotten about 6 calls saying "This is the end." but it isn't. About 12:50 or so my dad gets a call. This is the end. He makes a cup of coffee and heads out there. About 1:30 we get the call that she's died. We go out there, and my one uncle has left about an hour ago to take my cousin to the train station. My other uncle was about half an hour away. I was fine until I saw her. The most difficult thing of this whole thing was watching my dad cry. I had never seen anything like it from him. We all hug and cry, cry and hug. I say goodbye to her in my heart and then we have to leave. Dad and I have to go to the bank to sign loan paperwork.

The most stunning moment is when the loan officer asks for Dad's mother's maiden name. There was a little shock through both of us. "Snyder."

Then we have the check and we go to the college to pick up my new car. It's a gorgeous new black 2003 Pontiac Vibe. And I'm totally in love with it. I named it Joyce, after my grandmother. I got to drive it to Huntington to return the rental car. And then we came back and I had to take mom to get her purse at Timbercrest but Uncle Tim had already brought it back to the house so we came back. I decided to stay the night and take the day off on Thursday.

So many good things, and so many tough things.

My mom said it was an honor to have her die on my birthday. But honestly, it doesn't feel like it yet. I know that I'll never forget her or the day she died. But as of now, it just put a lot of emotion on top of me. It's the pinnacle of quite an emotional September.

But things are looking up. A new opportunity at work to do something fun. An awesome new to me car that I really love driving. The chance to be with someone who is completely right for me and not mostly right for me. It can and will get better than the lows. When you're at the bottom, you can only go up. So I'm headed up.

My New Favorite

At the risk of being sued:

SELL YOUR STOCK IN CAMPFIRES!!!! I JUST INVENTED BROILER S'MORES!!!


Just kidding. I didn't invent them. The person who originally made the above statement didn't even invent them, I'm pretty sure. Let me check Google.

Aaaaaand no he did not.

I'm sorry. I just lied. I made that up about checking Google. But I happened to have done some non-campfire s'mores making research for my mom in January and recall coming across a lot of people suggesting broilers. But there aren't ovens in most 6th grade classrooms, so I think mom went for a microwave.

That's not even my point. I think I used that beginning to segue into my discussion about how finding new favorite things is a lot of fun. I found my newest obsession while hanging out with a particularly interesting fellow. He introduced me to the idea of taking crescent rolls and smearing the insides with Nutella, then rolling them up and baking them so they end up as a kind of pain au chocolat, but much cheaper and much better.

It's like a cheap version of croissants. KWA-sohnt. And wa-NI-yah. Those are for Amy who is saying these words in her head like this all the time. And she has infected me. And I can't wait for her to move close enough to infect me on a more regular basis. That sounds dirty.

I should go to bed. But I think tomorrow I'll make more Poor Man's Pain au Chocolat. My new favorite.

Mom's Famous Tacos

Well, I was hungry tonight so I made my mom's famous tacos. Well, they're famous to me because I used to eat them as a kid and I loved them! I described them to a friend one time and it was pointed out to me that what I eat is nothing more than a cheeseburger on a tortilla. Which is kinda funny, because I don't really like cheeseburgers.

The tacos consist of ground beef (What do you call a cow with no legs?), shredded cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion and ketchup.

Shocking, I know. Rachel likes bland food and ketchup. But you know, you like what you like. And I like giant tacos that taste strongly of onion and ketchup.


Also, right now I'm watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Awesome!